I am a 36 year old mother of three children.
From the age of eighteen years old, I have been on a quest for spiritual enlightenment and higher understanding of the nature of ‘the soul’. I quote ‘the soul’ because I refer not to “my” soul or “your” soul or any one else’s or even God, I refer to the collective consciousness of ‘the one’, which I and you know we are a part of.
I have found many answers during my quest, which I have gathered from spiritual leaders such as yourself, and I practice these laws with rigourous determination. I do not belong to any religious organization, but I believe in God.
To name a few of my learnt, practiced and ‘now automated’ responses, (in my attempt to allow you to know me better);
I believe in my higher consciousness and am always awed by it’s existence.
I believe that life is unfolding as it should.
I respect all living things, (I find it difficult to kill even a fly, because I have made it my business to understand the fly’s purpose).
I awake every morning with awe and wonder at the chance for a new day.
I give when I can, unconditionally.
I have tried my best to not be judgemental towards any one.
In the instances where I have been judgemental, I have tried to apply logic, reasoning, compassion and understanding to the situation.
I speak positively.
I embrace my right to be successful.
Apart from these qualities, I consider myself to me a very talented person, I have been an accountant, I have sold houses, I can sing, I can draw, I can paint, I can write stories, I can cook and many other things.
For the past five years I am undergoing a series of problems which are recurring and not being resolved, despite my best attempts to apply the spiritual laws that I mentioned earlier.
The first one is a lack of a job. The thing is I am not sure if I want one. I want to be financially free while having the ability to look after my kids in the manner that I am doing right now. I am a stay at home mom right now, I drop my kids to and from school, I prepare breakfast lunch and dinner, I do homework with them, and I spend quality time with my husband. While I understand the importance of what I am doing, I know that I can be doing more with my time, but the thing is I don’t know what it is. I have meditated on it, and I can not seem to find an answer. This leaves me very confused and frustrated at times.
The second problem is that I am slowly losing relationships with friends and family. The pattern at which it happens seems to be common. As I mentioned before, I have always tried to apply logic, reasoning and compassion in the face of any adversity, however, I am not getting results with this, I am only losing relationships. One example is when my best friend and I broke up because of our teenage daughters’ disputes at school. When my friend called me to complain about my daughters behavior towards her daughter at school, in fairness to both girls (and without ever being defensive towards my daughter), I went into the school to request monitoring and investigation into the problems, my friend stopped our lifelong relationship because of this.
The third problem is that I now lost my relationship with my teenage daughter. She is the daughter of a previous marriage, however she was never treated that way by my current husband and myself. My two younger children know her as their sister. Never once have they known her as a ‘half’ sister. She has all the privileges as they do. The only major difference is that she is 17 and they are 7 and 6. She just left my house to live with her biological father after a dispute we had over a break in to my home last weekend.
I have allowed her to have a casual relationship with a young man who lives in our neighbourhood. I have been very strict with the extent at which the relationship was allowed to go and have been monitoring her behaviour in every possible way.
After my house was broken into, the young man became a suspect and my daughter chose to display loyalty to the young man (whom she has known for less than 8 months) over her family.
My decision then was to stop the relationship after careful consideration of all the factors and in protection of my daughter which I firmly believe is the result of motherly instinct, however this has resulted in her leaving my home, the last thing she said to me was that she hated me.
I understand that the three issues I mentioned does not seem to be related in anyway, but in my heart I believe that they are. Can you please give me your consideration?