My daily meditation practice is introducing me to a new awareness of who I am ,Will this lead me to find work that is more in alignment with my true nature? I have been a mason contractor for most of my life and have always had extreme ups and downs and would like to experience more freedom for myself and my family .I love and admire the work that you are doing in the world and was so moved by how you react to adverse media . Thank you for being the example we need in the word.

I left my family at the age of 17, due to physical, emotional abuse and neglect I suffered from my mother and father. I later tried to re-connect with my mother and father at the age of 23, however the abuse and neglect continued during our re-connection and I left the family unit again.
I spent the ages of 23 – 28 trying to re-build myself emotionally, but I have always felt this deep loneliness and pain and I have never been able to be truly happy. I always carry a feeling of abandonment and fear with me. Fear of love, commitment, death. My father left when I was 4 and returned periodically throughout my childhood. My mother was physically and emotionally very abusive and I often feared her. I was unable to be myself around my family and they used tradition (we are of East Indian descent) as a means to justify their behaviors (more so my mother than father). My father was unable to stand up to my mother emotionally and mentally, as a result, my father often looked to me as a source of stability when I needed him the most as a child. Using me as a means to stand up to my mother.
I recently found out that my mother died in January of this year and my family notified me 6 months after her death. I have re-connected with my father in the hopes of making peace, but I cannot escape this fear of death and this weight of being responsible for my father, as he is mourning and I can tell he is sad. I still have some anger towards him, but I know I can look past it, but I feel I am looking past it so I can take care of him / mother him, as I did as I child. As a result, I have been very sad and unable to see the joys in my life, at 29 years of age. I am trying to look at family, death and life without fear and worry and but it’s proving to be very hard. I instead hold this aching loneliness and fear.
Can you shed some light?