I’ve been studying for years much of your books and videos, as well as other spiritual teachers or guides. I’ve made Reiki and I also meditate. The thing is that despite that amount of work I’ve done inside…I don’t get to maintain a peaceful state for long periods.

Sometimes I feel full of peace, free of fear and grateful for all I have and I live…but without knowing why, I start to fall again in the old patterns, old fears and then the rest of my egoic attitudes come back. The thing is that when I’m “down” I hardly find the energy to apply the techniques and tools I’ve learned…as if a part of me wouldn’t want to be ok. I find a strong resistance inside when negativity arises and then I start to blame on external reasons.

I try to stay present, meditate, breath, but It seems to me that I don’t get to control my overall state. Like if when I’m down it happened as an accident, and when I feel good, as well.

Sometimes I feel my mind catches everything I learn to feel good and converts it into a mental object, and then it loses its power to me.

Any ideas or external view of what happens to me would be very helpful!

Why is it that when I read about true love, I can imagine what it is and understand what the gurus say it is, and I believe that I am trying to practice it wherever possible – but in the context of relationships I find that when I have a disagreement with my partner all sense of ‘loving her’ disappears. Surely if I felt true love for her as I believe I do, and as I seem to feel constantly for my parents for example, It would not disappear just because of an argument?

I have had a long hard struggle to pursue my dreams, follow my passion and achieve my goals. As I also grow spiritually, I have become aware that there are ego needs and higher order needs. When I do what I love, I feel connected and fulfilled, it feels good. I do want to help people but it also makes me feel good therefore it is feeding my ego needs. Can I still do what I love in my field and help people at the same time, knowing it feels good, but that it also serves a higher purpose? Can I still work towards enlightenment? (I am not using spirituality to obtain physical rewards, rather I am trying to live in two worlds, the physical and the spiritual).

I have just turned 54 and guess am experiencing a midlife crisis.  I am retired, my health is very good, my marriage is great, as are my other relationships, etc…To many it seems I have a pretty perfect life and I really can’t argue with that perception.  My question then is why all of a sudden do I have such an overwhelming fear of death, of time running by too fast, too quickly?  I become overly anxious whenever I stop and think that my husband is 62 and our time together is suddenly limited.  Even as I write this I feel my heart racing just at these thoughts.  I always thought I had a pretty deep faith in God (I am a Reform Jew) but all of a sudden….?  (I am meeting with my Rabbi to talk about this but have great respect for your work on insight as well.)  Is it just me?  Is there something else I can do to get on and enjoy life?  Thank you so much!

I am a woman in my forties. I have for many years done a lot of spiritual work. Recently I came into conflict with a person that I thought I loved, and I screamed and raged, something I have done much in my life and when in the moment I seem powerless over. It feels like momentary insanity. A friend gave me a CD where I got to hear about mastering you inner dialog and it shocked me to realize the part where you speak about self-pity and how it is the root of all anger and jealousy. I am that person, I pity myself and think I deserve better and so forth. So I got an insight and I am very grateful for that. Now my question: How do I learn to see through this self-pity in the moment? How do I learn to control my impulses? I have hurt many people with my behavior and also myself. My life is not the one I want, because I have lived my life in this denial of self-pity, and I see it no longer works, but how to change it?
I thought I was spiritual that I had gained some sort of insight over the years. This discovery somehow laid me bare and very empty, as if I have to start all over again. Please help me to understand.